Day 3. The third first day.

I left. I practised leaving for two days. I dealt with the mountain of things. I wore my hiking boots to the corner store. I drove the walking cart around the block. And then I left for real. I wasn't ready but are you ever? I don't think I've ever been ready to leave but I haven't ever been ready to stay either. Being inbetween always.

I walked through Amsterdam. Like I have done so many times. But I saw it with different eyes. I never realised how many edible wild greens there are in the Vondelpark. I walked through the P.C. Hooftstaat, smiling. Amsterdam's most fancy shopping street, glitter and gold. The jet set buys their  outfits here. I carried my house behind me along the sidewalk.

I wondered what on earth I was doing. Again. And then there was this smell. I suddenly felt at ease, I felt it all made sense. Freshly cut grass. The smell of spring.

Amsterdam. Lovely city. You only really realise the value of things when you let them go.

I walked to the outskirts of the city. I ate the cookies a friend baked for me. I felt the first blister. I walked on. I picked sheperds purse and ate the seeds. I found a campsite next to a highway. It almost sounded like the ocean.

First night in my tiny tent. The coffin, as my friends call it. It is cold outside. But the sky is clear. I can see the moon. I can smell the trees.

I' m tired. No highway will keep me awake. Sleep.

"Great things always begin with sleep. Great things always begin by the thinnest edge."

(Christian Bobin, The Very Lowly)


  1. Happy safe travels. I found you via Dark Mountain and I am pleased to be following your travails via the internet. I'm in New Zealand, it's autumn, and yet here we are, connected. Ah, the modern world. Good luck!

    1. Dear Helen, thank you! It has been a challenging but wonderful first week. I am happy to hear I reached New Zealand through Dark Mountain. Yes, the modern world is amazing. Travelling slowly through the world, feet on the ground and at the same time travelling through space, talking to people at the other end of the world.Take care! xm

  2. Oh how lovely to hear you are wslking again...to where? X