It took me a while to be able to look back. The walk and all the things happening, the people I met, they formed a landscape behind me. I know I have to go back and wander through it again but I also want to move on, and these two opposite movements keep me in the middle, unmoving, walking around in a city in circles, thinking about my next steps.
If there is one thing I learned during the walking it is that if you aren't sure about your next moves or if you want something and it doesn't work out straight away, you just wait. It sounds like a simple thing but the simplest things are the most difficult always.
Travelling, walking, isn't about movement only. It is just as much about the moments inbetween. The art of waiting. Sitting still while everything moves around you, experience the movement without moving yourself. Stop counting days, minutes, experiences. Grow roots. Make friends. Count the lines in your hands, the scars on your legs, count the stars, count the leaves on the ground, count yourself. One. But many in one. Somebody who can go right, somebody who can go left, somebody who can go all the way back, somebody who always follows her own footsteps. The feet first, the mind follows. Your heart in your hands, ready to leave it behind anywhere.
Last year, when I walked in Sweden in an art project walking pilgrim trails, I collected Y shaped branches. I tried to avoid the question in that way. I didn't want to ask myself why. This year, walking more than I ever did, 1364 kilometer, I was surprised that nobody on the road asked me why.
But they were right, the people on the road. There is no "why?". There are only 4 questions. Where do you come from, where are you going, aren't you afraid, aren't you lonely?
You could wait for the answers. Or you can walk them, move around in them. Either way. But you won't find them by asking them only.
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